Clarksville, Michigan 

In Clarksville, life was much as you would suspect in a small town.  People were either very close or at each other's throats.  Every year the Fire Department (? I think ?) would hold a pancake feed, but at the same time, the town would have this little 'carnival' thing.  Face painting, cotton candy and hot dogs, a dunk tank, little boothes the where locals would sell their crafts, a greased pig catching contest, three legged race, maybe a softball game.  Main street is a whole 4 blocks long, with the business part of town being only 1 block.  Of course there was a bar - Radar's, a little grocery store, a gas station, the bank, a funeral home / mortuary a hardware store, the doctors office, and the post office.  That about sums up Clarksville.

There were downfalls to this.  Everybody knew your business, and we lived too far away from school do be involved in very much.  We didn't live right in town, about 6-8 miles out of town on a lake.  But we went to school in Lake Odessa, even farther away in the other direction.  In middle school I wasn't really involved in anything.  Boredom leads to trouble.  You know the saying, "Idle hands are the Devil's tools."  Well, this is very true. 

Dad worked in Grand Rapids at General Motors (formaerly Fisher Body), and Velda (my bonus Mom) was a teacher in Saranac..... so they couldn't truck kids back and forth to sports events and extra cirricular activities.  Also, being the new kid in an already established home with a brother and sister my own age for the first time ever.... it was a huge and unsuccessful adjustment.  Everything that anyone did or got into trouble for, became my fault.  Whateven Tony did..... it was because of me.  Whatever Claire did.....it was because of me.  And haveing never had a brother or sister my age....I didn't know how to poiltic within a family.  All I wanted was to stop moving around, have a solid home with parents who cared about me, and a family.  I know - greedy!!!  I wanted too much!

After being blamed for enough things that you were never guilty of in the first place..... well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!!!  I began to look for oppertunities to do everything I got into trouble for and then some.  Things only got worse.  The lines in this family were clearly drawn, and there was no sign of a successful merger.  We were either fighting, hiding, or avoiding each other.  I was completely out of touch with my mother.... didn't even know where she was.    And according to what my new family had to say, she didn't want me anyhow.

I went to Lake Odessa middle school, then into Lakewood High School.  By 1986 I finally found my mother... her and tom were now living in Fairbanks, Alaska....   Around my 16th birthday I got back in touch with mom and tom.  They sent me a plane ticket to go visit them in Alaska.  I went.  Before I had left for the visit, I remember my Dad being so distrought.  Crying and scared that I would not come back.  I guess maybe he knew how miserable I was, always being the scapegoat and always being the 5th wheel in that house.  I PROMISED him I would come back, no matter what.

While in Fairbanks, mom and tom were so loving and caring, it seemed that everything they had been before had changed.  They begged me for another chance.  They were sorry, they missed me, they wanted me to come back to live with them.   I wanted to move there too.  But I made a promise to my Father, and I could not break that.  So, I went back to Michigan, and I don't remember how much time had passed, but I finally told them I wanted to go to Alaska to live.

Well all hell broke loose to say the least.  I TOLD them that I only came back because I had made a promise, and could not break that promise to my Dad.  I promised that I would come back, and I did, but only because I had promised!  Well, life around there got plenty worse.  Damned if I do, damned if I don't.  Keping that promise was probably a HUGE mistake.  For a bunch of people who 'wanted' me to stay, there was sure a lot of screaming and yelling about what a huge trouble I had become to them.  "I did this for you,..." and "I did that for you,..." yeah - but that didn't mean they liked it or that they wanted me there.  Hell no - this was not making me think any differently about moving.  Yep, mid semester I moved... left for Alaska. 

The only thing I was losing out on by leaving was that I had an awesome boyfriend, Wayne, and a tiny group of really great friends that meant the world to me.  But life on a day to day basis was just filled with so much emotional crud that I had to get out of there, and not a day sooner would have been soon enough. Fairbanks, Alaska.... here I come.....