hat happens to the depressed, supressed, opressed, over stressed, underdressed, self proclaimed artist / writer, who only meets dead ends  & dead beats.

Who has THE worst luck in the world. Who has lost painfully in every relationship she's ever been in.  Appears to have 'sucker' tattoo'd on her forehead.  Yet is so damned stubborn she actually believes she will find happiness in her life.

She still wants to believe that there really  is good in everyone.  She actually still believes that there is a purpose for her here in this cruel world, and continues to look for it. 

What happens? She learns to be a web designer and makes a website with more useless information than the entire archive of the Inquirer, to include every rant, rave, opinion, and philosophy she can possibly write about! Freedom of Speech baby! Quite possibly better than any therapy I ever paid for.

I have a rather sarcastic sense of humor, am amused by irony, and I'm far from naieve...

Before life lessons and cold reality shattered my spirited additude and blatant determination, left me in pain on my knees begging my Maker for mercy; when I was younger, I would literally go door to door to businesses and give my sales pitch.  Most all would take my number, few would actually call, but on my follow up visit within a week of the first one, most would create work of some sort out of pitty, I assume.  As a 16 - 18 year old kid, I was desperate and hungry. I was driven.  I was on fire.  I needed someplace to belong. I needed a way to pay for tomorrows meal.  I needed to be noticed. A lot has changed in since those desperate years.

Now, I'm not so driven, I'm not hungry, I'm not 18, and I accepted that we don't really belong to anyone, anywhere.  I'm too worn out to feel desperation.  I still have fire, but the kindling is wet with tears, smoldering and smoking more than it is burning.  I don't want to be noticed out there in the world. Not now, not anymore. Not in that way. I yearn now for simplicity, for the cut-and-dry, just the facts - not the frills.  Notice me here. Judge me not for who I was, but respect me for who I strive to become.

I have turned to the web for my talents.  The web has opened new doors and new oppertunities for me.  I do have a business site, if you wanna see what I do, visit XentriX DezinZ (XXDZ.com)

Way too much information about me here.  You'll read the good, the bad, and the ugly (it's a package deal). If you actually get through it you'll have a pretty good idea of who I am and why.

Send feedback if you desire, however I'm not much for email conversations and you won't find me in a chat room.  For work, I'm a web developer, in my free time, I'm redesigning or building content for my own sites (i have more than one... not like this one though!), and that's pretty much what I do. 

I AM however trying to keep in touch with those friends I do have, trying to get back in touch with those I have lost.

So... please feel free to cruise this site at your leisure using the links in the left margin navigation.