Good news — it looks like your relationship is on solid ground. (HA HA HA - he houdini'd me one week later!!) You've probably just moved beyond the "honeymoon" phase and into reality. Most of the time that nervous, excited "heart-beating-faster" feeling matures into a deeper, more stable connection. And that's okay — really! If you're having doubts, though, try spending a little extra time nurturing your relationship (that still requires both people to take part!!) and focusing on the intense friendship and romance you've developed. If you're still concerned in a month, come back and take this test again. But chances are you'll adjust nicely and enjoy yourself immensely! (or he'll get pissed off, threaten you, and simply never call again!)

the "is it time to break up?" Bonus Info:

Trying to decide whether or not to break up? There are some instances when the decision is a foregone conclusion -- you are unhappy and not fulfilled by the relationship, so you know it is time to leave. However, there are other times when the decision isn't so clear.

Researchers have found several common indicators of relationship problems. They are:

• Feeling taken for granted or unappreciated
• Not enjoying time spent together
• Feeling unloved
• Lack of communication
• Having little in common
• Lack of trust
• Lack of emotional intimacy
• Lack of sexual intimacy
  • ALL OF THE ABOVE by the end of the first year..... why did Istick around so long?? I do not know.  Committed and loyal I guess.

If you are feeling any of these in your relationship, you can:

1. address them with your partner and try to come to a new understanding of what you both want and need; or
2. re-evaluate whether or not to stay. Only you can decide how important these issues are to you.

Some components are necessary for a healthy and satisfying relationship. Some of them are:

1. Compatibility: You don't have to have everything in common but it's good to have some similar interests.
   
2. Truthfulness: Telling white lies is one thing, but making a pattern of it is another. If there isn't honesty and trust in a relationship, then you are heading for trouble.
   
3. Opinions on children: Having children is a major life decision that both partners need to agree upon.
   
4. Attitudes about money: Couples need to be very clear about what their expectations and needs are concerning making, spending, and sharing money.
   
5. Educational attainment: Couples who have similar educational backgrounds tend to be happier. Resentment about educational inequality can lead to tension and feelings of inadequacy. Men are more threatened by women who have more education than vice versa.
   
6. Division of labor: Although women and men are much more equal in today's world, women still do the large majority of house and child care, whether they work outside the home or not. If you and your partner have different expectations about the division of chores, there will probably be tension.
   

If you DO decide to break up, there are several things to keep in mind about coping emotionally:

• "Time Heals All Wounds" Remember that no matter how much you loved this person, there is not just one "right" person for any of us. You will be able to love again, given time.
  
• Don't ignore the hurt. Pain is inevitable and normal. If you repress the hurt it will resurface at some point.
  
• Get over the "emotional dependency" on the relationship. Keep your schedule full -- with friends, family, hobbies, etc. Do things and be with people that make you feel good about yourself.
  
• Make a "clean break" if you need. Don't go to the person you have broken up with for advice on how to deal with your pain. Find other people to talk to about the subject.
  
• Breaking up with someone isn't just about pain. It is a time to explore yourself - form new friendships, pursue new or old hobbies, treat yourself to special things, etc.

One of the problems that accompanies a breakup is the uncertainty of whether or not the relationship is really over. Many people continue to hang onto a bad relationship rather than go through what they feel will be unbearable pain. This just prolongs the pain, which leads to resentment and anger. Be clear about what you need and do whatever it takes to achieve that.

If you are the initiator in the breakup, you may have conflicted or guilty feelings. You may want to break up with someone even if you still care about them. The key is to know what you want and to take steps to make that happen.

Either way, remember that all relationships have some problems - nothing is perfect. If you look back over your previous relationships, you may find that you had similar problems in different relationships - patterns of behavior that you may take with you. So be careful when trying to decide what is tolerable and what isn't in any given relationship.

Additional Reading:

Elizabeth Hurchalla, E. (1997). Getting Over Him: Cosmo's Complete Break-Up Survival Handbook. NY: Avon Books.

Kingma, D.R. (1989). Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the End of Yours. Crest Publishers.

Kuster, E. (1996). Exorcising Your Ex: How to Get Rid of the Demons of Relationships Past. Fireside Publications.

McCarthy, C.J., Lambert, R.G. and Brack, G. (1997). "Structural Model of Coping, Appraisals, and Emotions After Relationship Breakup."

Journal of Counseling and Development 76(1).

Rankin, H.J. (1998). 10 Steps to a Great Relationship: What Every Couple Should Know About Love. Stepwise Press.

Seymour, T., Barrier, R., and Spaddacini, V. (1998). 31 Days to Ruin Your Relationship. Blue Sky Marketing.

Shoshanna, B. (1998). Why Men Leave: Men Talk About Why They Ended the Relationship -- and What Might Have Changed Their Minds. Perigee Publishers.

Warren, S. and Thompson, A. (1998). Dumped: A Survival Guide for the Woman Who's Been Left by the Man She Loved. Harpercollins Publishers.

Watrous, A. and Honeychurch C. (1999). After the Breakup: Women Sort Through the Rubble and Rebuild Lives of New Possibilities. New Harbinger Publications.

Wile, D.B. (1995). After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship. Guilford Press.