(24 Feb 03) What Now? Find a new boyfriend? NO!  I'm not even sure today if my relationship is, in fact, over. I think it is; haven't heard from him in over a week... it's happened before (that still doesn't make it right, and frankly i'm sick of being treated like that).  I must be looking for something though, or I wouldn't have browsed through eMde.com to begin with. 

I will admit that any profile that said he was primarily looking for dating or a fling got passed over.  I'm not the 'fling' kinda gal, and I suck at dating. Not that I haven't or don't.... but it's awkward for me.

I think it's only right to be honest in saying I am extremely skeptical with new people. Sorry, been screwed over enough to know that anything is possible and even your best friends in the world can turn into someone in your past in no time flat.  I jsut don't see any reason to waste anyone's time with false fronts or misleading messages.

I'm still raw from the last beating (figurative) and not ready to start some intense relationship and not willing to 'give my all' again.  Not yet. However I'm not dead either.... and I have a lot to bring to a new friendship.

I desire the ability to be myself, who I am, and be valued for that.  I desire the chance to maintain my independence and meet soemone who wants to maintain his as well - the catch and the trick is finding that common ground and happy medium for both people to be able to mesh the independance into a shared area both are comfortable with and both can loosen up and depend on the other a little if they so choose. 

I work like a dog and I enjoy it.  Come mid week, a break with someone to share it is nice. Come the weekends, it's nice to know you have plans with someone even if you don't knwo what the plan is yet.

That said... it's pretty obvious I'm not looking for wild parties or high adventure.... start slow with no expectations and let things come naturally.

21March 03
Update - I am in fact single now.... haven't heard from him in well over a month.  I guess he just forgot to tell me about our break up this time.....  grrrr.... So you can change the above "NO!" to an "I dunno"

01 May 03
Update - Change the "NO!" to a "Why not".... I'm not over him... but I'm not under him anymore either... I have a lot to give and a lot to share... life's more [more, in general] when there is someone to share it with.