One of the most valuable gifts so few ever really afford themselves, is the gift os self discovery.  As important and essential to life as eating, drinking, sleeping; in a sense, without it, you will die.  Not physically; you will die emotionally and spiritually.  Without that - you might as well be nobody at all.

rosieism (hardcore rosieism): too many people - if not the majority of us walking this earth - spend our entire lives trying to alter those around us to meet our needs, trying to get our needs from other people, batteling other people to get them to adapt to our needs, when the REAL task at hand SHOULD be to get to know ourselves, learning to live with our own weaknesses and strengthen our own strong points.  We should be concentrating more on our OWN selves and not those around us.  Altering ourselves to meet our needs and not trying to put that burden on other poeple. 

We would be a happier world as a general population if we focused on self vs. blaming others. We have got to be able to admit, submit, and overcome our own pitfalls before we can expect others to do the same.  We need to learn to be sompletely and utterly honest with ourselfs, before we can expect others to be honest with us.  And I do believe that the majority of the earth's population lives their entire lives enver really knowing themselves, therefore, lying to them selves right to their death.  How sad is that?

How can you possibly expect anyone else on earth to love you, understand you, cherish you, value you, respect you, etc.... if you cannot, will not, or are not willing to understand, love, honor, respect, cherish, and value yourself?  If you cannot truly, madly, deeply accept yourself for who you are (might you even know who you really are), then how can you ask anyone else to accept you for who you are, when they could not possibly know who you really are if you yourself do not know. Answer that one before you even think about blaming another person - ever again!  You cannot blame someone else for what you are solely responsible for!

Would you ask someone you love and care for to move a mountain if you yourself will not even try?  Would you ask them to walk across hot coals that you yourself will not?  Will you ask of your loved ones to endure or experience pain, sorrow, and frustration that you yourself will not?  What's the difference?  Do you not think yourself to be worthy of the time and investment of effort?  If you will not, why should they? If you love them, why would you even ask them to?  You are more than merely worthy of the investment of time and effort, and if you doubt this, then you desperately are in need of a self discovery journey.

And NO MATTER HOW TEMPTING it may be, you need to read on yourself, study on yourself, and discover yourself before you even think about delving into those other typing books that are directed to couples or relationships!!

There is a big difference between self discovery and changing ones self.  IMHO the self-help books marked are not for discovery and understanding as much as they are for use when you decide you want to make some actual changes.  However... with open eyes and a willing heart, we will always discover!!

Don't get me wrong, they are just as valuable.  However if you would have handed me Dr. Phil's books / programs or ones like his back in 1997, it would have pushed me into a deeper depression than I was already in.  Why?? Because I was still trying to figure out who the hell I was and what the hell I wanted, I was surely not ready to change what I did not yet understand. 

So.... take my advice with a grain of salt (only YOU know what's right for YOU), but you need to get to know yourself better thqan anyone in the world FIRST!  Only then can you really change anything.  Why do I say that?  Because we ALL resist change, and if you do not know yourself inside and out, you will (by shere human nature) resist even changes that you yourself try to implement.  Whereas if you KNOW yourself, then you will know what you do or do not want to or have to change and WHY!  So you will be more open to, if not excited about, the changes you decide to implement.  Also: Bare in mind "change" doesn't always mean you're going to have to give up something.... improvements, polishing, altering - all are types of change.

YOU are you, you have to live with you, you have to look at you in the mirror, and you have to sleep with you every night, wake to you every day, and you cannot run from you no matter how hard you try.  You might as well mold you into soemone you love, honor, respect, and someone you want to be committed to.